Saturday, 27 August 2016

Failed again

I failed again today. Several times. Little Feet (now 10) was so excited about the baking I promised her "first thing" (when will I learn?) that she WOKE ME UP when I was having a sneaky lie in as Rizzy had actually gone back to sleep. Let's just say I wasn't best pleased to see her. She gracefully let me be for a bit, but of course one by one they appeared by my bed, so I might as well have been gracious to Little Feet and kept my promise.

Then I failed again, attempting to discourage Bin Grin from helping her. I don't know what I was thinking. They wanted to cooperate. They did, despite me.

Then I shouted at them, when instead of piping 12 Viennese fingers out of the whole mixture, they piped 16 minute pencils and put them in the oven - leaving three quarters of the mixture in the piping bag - while I was preoccupied with the other two. Shrieking past the girls, I whipped them back out of the oven and moodily scraped it all back in the bowl, making them "Do it all again!"

I criticised their application of the chocolate on each end, making them feel inadequate.

And they tasted divine, so wonderful I didn't get a picture of them. We ate them too quickly. (Well Rizzy didn't; she gnawed the chocolate off then spread the remainder all over the patio. She still enjoyed it though.)

I did apologise. I told them how wrong I'd been, and that I was sorry. They extended such grace to me. I have to pray and trust that God heals the damage, because I can't. ("Take a plate and smash it on the floor. Now say sorry to it. Do you understand?") I have to pray that God changes, redeems, prunes this ugliness in me, soon. One day, I will have no spot or stain or blemish of sin. Yes, my sins are forgiven, but I long for the day I no longer choose to sin. Happy day indeed.

Grace is a gift we don't deserve. Little Feet's parting words to me at bedtime were, "Good night best Mummy in the world ever."

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