Monday 22 August 2016

Impostor Syndrome

"Impostor Syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome) is a term coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud"."

"We think you should blog," said a few friends.
"What about?" I asked both flattered and a trifle alarmed.
"Being a mum. Having four kids. You always seem so organised. We like hearing your stories and advice."

No pressure or anything. And I'd sort of forgotten I'd tried blogging and got bored with it a few years ago. Anyway, never mind the notion that I don't really have anything of import to say (we'll see I suppose), I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the pedestal I'm teetering on. Any minute now I'm going to be found out. It's messy. It's loud. It's not always happy. I do not know what I'm doing. Most of the time I have no answers, no strategies. My goals lie abandoned along the way. My eyes dart left to right. Anyone else here feel like they don't belong, like it must be a mistake that they've been entrusted with moulding these precious young ones? The panic rises. Then, I look up and calm down.

Psalm 121 (NIV)

I lift up my eyes to the mountains –
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip –
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you –
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm –
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and for evermore.

So, I don't need to worry. Things will go wrong, but God's right there. It's not about me. I needn't feel an impostor if I realise I can't do it on my own anyway; I'm not designed to try to be a mother to four girls on my own. And Isaiah 40:11 says of God:

"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
he gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."

We can be pretty hard on ourselves at times, but that's far from what God has in mind. He gently leads us. We just have to follow. 

3 comments:

  1. Hi Emma, I can so relate to your impostor syndrome, have felt like this for most of my life really! Concerning your blogging or the advice you could give to other mums - I think you do so many little things you don't even think about as you take them as "normal" that others (like me) just don't know they could do, like starting them early with letting them help doing the dishes once a week as you told me recently, or many other little things. I'm constantly learning from you even if you think you're just trying around in the dark yourself ;) (sorry, my English is leaving me a bit at this hour of the day). Thanks so much for all the little (and big) things you do. No pressure :p

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    Replies
    1. Aw thank you for the encouragement. We're all learning, all failing at times, but trying to do our best. As mums we're in this together, helping each other when we can x

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  2. Hi Emma, I can so relate to your impostor syndrome, have felt like this for most of my life really! Concerning your blogging or the advice you could give to other mums - I think you do so many little things you don't even think about as you take them as "normal" that others (like me) just don't know they could do, like starting them early with letting them help doing the dishes once a week as you told me recently, or many other little things. I'm constantly learning from you even if you think you're just trying around in the dark yourself ;) (sorry, my English is leaving me a bit at this hour of the day). Thanks so much for all the little (and big) things you do. No pressure :p

    ReplyDelete